RITA RUDNER'S FACTS ABOUT MEN

  1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
  2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  3. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
  4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
  5. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
  6. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
  7. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
  8. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
  9. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
  10. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
  11. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
  12. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
  13. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
  14. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
  15. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
  16. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
  17. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
  18. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
  19. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
  20. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.