HOW TO KNOW YOU ARE OLDER

• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt. doesn't work.
• The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.
• You feel like the night before and you haven't been anywhere.
• Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
• You get winded playing cards.
• Your children begin to look middle age.
• You join a health club and don't go.
• A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the question.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• You need glasses to find your glasses.
• You turn the lights out for economic reasons, rather than romantic reasons.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
• Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine chest.
• You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.